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7 Ways to Wean your Child off Video Games

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Video games have taken the place of playing outside for many kids today. As parents, should we intervene?

By Greg Seaman, Eartheasy Posted Feb 8, 2011

Child playing video gamesThe appeal of today’s ubiquitous video games is based on sound value – the games are fun, the action is fast, the challenges are inviting. Yet when kids and teens spend time in front of small screens – whether it’s the TV, computer or hand-held games – it takes away from the time they could spend playing sport, learning other skills or enjoying active play.

When children constantly receive their entertainment through computer games, they develop an increasing desire for instant entertainment which decreases their attention span and hurts their listening skills. And while studies link excessive gaming with conditions like depression, anxiety and social phobia, simple common sense dictates that too much time spent playing online games is counter-productive to a child’s healthy growth and development.

The goal of a frustrated parent should not be to remove the child’s access to these activities, but to help the child find balance between time spent using these devices and time spent in independent activity, outdoor experiences in nature, and plenty of physical activity which a growing body craves.

What not to do

It is surprising that many articles which discuss strategies to reduce video-gaming time suggest “tiger-mom” measures such as removing the computer from the child’s room, installing access-limiting software, or simply pulling the plug on the computer. These methods, in my opinion, are confrontational, and send a message that the child lacks self-control. Pulling the plug will only drive your child elsewhere, perhaps to a friend’s house where controls are less strict.

Cooperation and respect should be the tools of first choice. I think the best way to wean kids of video-game dependence is to have the children themselves see the consequences of too much time online and make the decision for themselves to bring more balance into their lives.

Here are some suggestions which my wife and I have tried to help reduce the amount of time our children spent playing video games.

1. Play a video game with your child.

Let your child teach you one of their favorite video games and give it a try. You may find the game instructive, challenging, or deplorable. In any case, you’re showing your child that you are open-minded and willing to try something new. After all, this is what you’re asking of your child in having them reduce time spent on video games. There’s a better chance your child will listen to your suggestions when you’ve shown a willingness to understand the appeal of these games.

2. For one week, keep a log of the time spent playing video games.

Ask your child to keep a record of time spent on gaming. (Or keep a record yourself.) At the end of one week, show them a visual representation of how much of their free time is going to this activity. Is it 10% of their time, or 50%? It’s likely that your child hasn’t considered this, and may be surprised at the results. Once you have some actual data, any argument over the amount of time spent on gaming is eliminated, and you can see if there is a problem, and to what degree.

3. Show them what that amount of time represents in other activities.

With some thought, you can develop a list of activities and opportunities that can be achieved in the same amount of time spent gaming. For example, in 1/4 that time you could learn to play a musical instrument. In 1/2 that time you could improve in a sport, learn how to fish, how to sew, grow a garden…. As a parent, you should be prepared to contribute to the new instrument, help the child get started in an activity program, or help buy supplies or equipment. The goal of this exercise is to show the child what activities he or she may be missing.

4. Arrange active indoor or outdoor activities for your children and their friends.

Help do the thinking and planning for alternative activities for your children. (They may be out of practice.) To make it more appealing, look for ways to include your children’s friends. Check the newspapers, your local community center, or school guidance counselors for local programs and resources for youth sports and activity programs. For example, your community may offer a boating club, sports programs, hikes, mountain bike trails, adventure trips, or other fun outdoor activities.

Offline activities do not always need to be extravagant or expensive. During high school, our son had regular Friday night poker parties with his friends. We enjoyed hearing them laughing and chatting in the back room, and kept them supplied with chips and drinks to help make it fun. Besides the obvious fun of the poker game, these young people were refining their communication and social skills, and planning other activities they could enjoy together.

5. Start a long-term project of your child’s choosing.

Your child may have an interest or goal that seems out of reach. If you can tap into something your child is passionate about, you may be able to help them realize their passion. Most children don’t think of long-term projects, but you can show them how planning and budgeting their time and money can bring big rewards.

When my son was 14 years old, he showed an interest in sailing. We gave him a pile of Wooden Boat magazines and asked him to choose a small design which we could build together. He chose a 14-foot daysailer, and we spent Saturdays during the school year doing the project. Over time, his friends began hanging out with us. They also found the project interesting, and enjoyed seeing something develop from a sheet of plans to an actual sailboat. And when the project was done, there was a new activity to enjoy.

Your child might want to build a surfboard, restore an old car (and learn a lot in the process), sew a dress, build a guitar, make a treehouse, create a garden, make a mountain bike course, or take on some other big challenge. Of course, as a parent your participation is required to help finance the project and help see it to completion. But a long term project with your child is rewarding to the parent as well!

6. Acknowledge your child’s efforts in offline pursuits.

One of the appealing aspects of video games is that anyone can play and receive instant gratification. Other skills, such as playing music, require time, effort and self-discipline before they become truly enjoyable. You can help your children find satisfaction in offline pursuits by acknowledging their efforts and progress along the way.

Research performed by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck has found that the way parents offer approval affects the way children perform and the way they feel about themselves. Dweck has conducted studies in which adolescent subjects were given a set of difficult problems from an IQ test. Afterward, some of the young people were praised for their ability: ”You must be smart at this.” Others were praised for their efforts: “You must have worked very hard.” The kids who were complimented on their intelligence were much more likely to turn down the opportunity to do a challenging new task that they could learn from. They didn’t want to do anything that could expose their deficiencies and call into question their talent. Ninety percent of the kids who were praised for their hard work, however, were eager to take on the demanding new exercise.

7. Have family meals together.

Playing video games is often a solitary activity. Even when my son had friends over, they would often sit beside each other at their own laptops, playing in parallel but not together.

Eating dinner together as a family provides a valuable opportunity for communication. A scheduled meal together helps lift children from the isolated bubble of their game consoles and engage the other members of the family in the exchange of ideas. Family dinners should be a place for open discussion, where the children can discuss their gaming accomplishments, should they choose, and where they can also hear the interests of all family members, which helps put time spent gaming in perspective. Dinnertime is also an opportunity for family members to discuss a variety of interests outside of the video-game arena and plan upcoming activities.

A “Family Dinner Experiment” conducted by Oprah Winfrey in 1993 challenged five families to eat dinner together every night for a month for at least a half an hour. At first the families found it difficult but by the end of the study they wanted to continue eating dinner together. The biggest surprise for the parents was “how much their children treasured the dependable time with their parents at the table.”

Encouraging your child to spend less time playing video games requires more hands-on time from the parents. This is not always easy, given the busy schedules of parents today. But the rewards are rich as we see our children grow, and as we spend more time with them.

Reference:
“Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children’s Motivation and Performance” by Claudia M. Mueller, Ph.D. & Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D. in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol. 75, No. 1.

Posted in Connect with Nature Tags , , ,
  • Tara

    What contributes to kids spending so much time online is being a single-parent. The computer is like a baby sitter. It keeps my child safe at home, and happily occupied. Your suggestions are good but many of us have almost no extra time to spend with our kids.

    • Greg Seaman

      Yes. I understand. Perhaps you can find ways for your children to help you find more time. There are simple recipes that can enable them to cook dinner once in a while, for example. Assign them chores to reduce your workload. Children can rise to the occasion when they know you need their help.

  • akbar

    exactly once, we should be able to keep our children are not addicted to the game. because it would harm the child.

    nice article, thanks…

  • http://www.infozooms.com/ InfoZooms

    Set up the right expectations and discuss a fair time limit with your kids. Then everyone will be on the same page and there will be less disappointment.

  • momoftwo

    I agree with each of your suggestions! As a mom of preteens, I want them to have their own challenges and successes, not ones that are fabricated by some game developer. We as parents have to help set our children up for success, and once they have some of their own accomplishments, they are more eager and confident to try other new challenges.

    • Greg Seaman

      well said!

  • Dustin

    I have to admit I used to spend quite a bit of time on video games, well mainly computer games. I personally wish I was pushed more to get out and spend more time outside.

  • Corrosion Monitoring

    I have XBOX in my house, and because of that, my son has addicted to that console game,,
    This post maybe can help me

    thanks

  • nikos

    i like your tips,very helpful,but its difficult to keep away the children from these games.i think these children need doctor and every day check their way their acting in school,family,friends.Technology is like honey!!very sweet,but parents must be carefull for their childrens health.

  • Yoshi

    Yeah I like the idea of parents joining in. I remember back in early 80s when my father sat down and tried to play famicom with us. At first I was, yeah cool, okay. Then it was more like I'm going to go outside and ride my bike – you play as much as you like.

  • http://thedigitalpost.co.uk Jose Jimenez

    1. Play a video game with your child… what happens if the parents get hooked? ;-)

    Joking aside, there are some great tips here including the above. Kids more often than not want to share what they do with parents and especially those in the early teens and younger. I have 2 girls and they play the Nintendo DS (they share one) only at weekends and a bit more during the holidays. Its about finding the right balance between computer games and other activities.

  • Orthotics Niagara

    It is all about habits and if you get them into the right ones while they are young…you will have less worries in the future..its an investment that pays off down the road

  • Suzanne @ Mind Tree

    Great post. It’s a big problem in today’s age. Children are more into video games instead of outdoor games.

  • Sarath

    The suggestions given in the article on how to save children from getting addicted to video games are worthy to be tried out by parents who really want their children engaged in other activities too in a balanced way. The article is quite good and helpful

  • http://abworkoutsforwomen.blogetery.com/ Elias Sharma

    Wow! I’m really enjoying the theme of this website. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s very difficult to get that balance between user friendliness and visual appearance. I must say you have done a very good job with this. Also, the blog loads super quick for me on Internet explorer. Outstanding site!

    • Greg Seaman

      Thanks Elias!

  • http://www.acnedietsreview.org Anthony Vanwhy

    I wish someone had given this advice to my mother when I was a kid. She went against every tip given on the list and I fought her every step of the way because of it.

  • Nero

    #1thing todo is stop buying them kids consoles, i have no kids buy, i think that my experience is what helps u the most.
    so im tryn to help my wife with her 18 boy who does nothig but play online alll night, so im tryn some steps if they work i will come back and share..
    Thanks for the time!!!!!!!
    Great tips here!!!

  • http://eartheasy.com/ Greg Seaman

    Well if you have decent grades that shows you are putting effort where it counts.
    Video games are a way for people to relax, so time on the Xbox is not necessarily a waste of time. Like most things in life, it is a matter of balance. Get outside for some activities that balance time spent on the box. Your mom will see you’re making the effort.

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